I had said this was no longer going to be my blog and I had hoped to keep that promise. However, certain events in life require a release of written text to continue to process whatever emotions are clashing about in the heart and mind. This is one of those moments.

Another school shooting occurred. Another horrifying tale of death and destruction because of the madcap ideas of one person. It starts out as it did here and countless other school shootings. Why. How. We didn’t understand why. He was the quiet one. What does it all mean. Why does it keep happening. Why won’t it stop. When will it stop.

When will our schools be safe once more?

As I was getting ready to do “The Ride To Midnight” show Friday night something felt wrong. I couldn’t figure it out at that moment and as we went on the air I pushed on forward with the broadcast. Halfway through, I began to understand as the jokes were missing the mark. The smile I usually felt was restrained.

Every time these events repeat themselves the memories of Columbine revisit my still healing heart. I struggled to move past the feelings that had returned but found myself unable to do so. I felt helpless, useless and came to the conclusion that when it comes to these ghosts that haunt the far back of my mind, there is still so much work to be done.

Even today, as I get ready to face another long week of life, the stories of the loss and pain remain in the mist. I had spent the better part of the week so buried in work that I had been unable to process anything. Friday was my first chance to open my heart and do a gut check of where I was. It is a unique feeling figuring out what is affecting you and all the “how it works” kind of thing. It is heartening to know that I am closer to finding my way through the sometimes treacherous world of emotions, memories and how those two react together.

In that, there is hope. I can hold onto that hope, that idea that there is progress and a way forward through all this.